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Santa Needs a Technology Assistant

This Christmas was the year of technology for my kids. Two kids received iPod touches and one child made a deal with Santa by pitching in the difference and was given an iPad touch.

Had Santa been better organized, he would have figured out all there was to know about these items prior to their delivery. Since he didn’t, in case you are considering purchasing one of these items for your child, here are ten tips I wish I would have considered in advance.

1) Prevent access to inappropriate material by setting Restrictions (Parental Controls). Locate these setting by tapping Settings > General > Restrictions. Movies, TVs and Applications all have separate rating and restrictions. Do this before letting your child install any apps or you will need to go back and check ones they have may have installed before you put the restrictions into place.
2) Safari can be completely deleted, but since kids may have have a valid need for a search engine, you may wish to replace it with an alternate browser such as “Safe Eyes” ($20) or Mobicip ($5) from the itunes store.
3) Although your kids may be protected on your home computers with software such as “Net Nanny,” remember that these programs will have to be installed on the kids’ devices and may or may not be supported. I use Net Nanny at home and it is not.
4) There is currently no way to set hour use limits on these devices. The best way to do this is by setting limits for each device individually through your router.
5) Do not assume just because you have restrictions set on your router that your kids are safe. They will take their devices out of the house, or connect to an unsecured network from inside your house, and then be able to access the internet unprotected.
6) Although multiplayer games in Game Center may not be an issue with you, consider restricting your child’s ability to add friends in Game Center or else your child will end up playing games and receiving messages from strangers.
7) Just because restrictions on your child’s device may be set, this does not mean explicit content won’t be displayed in the iTunes Store itself. Restrictions for podcasts, radio content and shared music must be set so ensure that these items no longer appear on the left side of the iTunes window.
8) Consider using only one itunes account. That way apps can be shared with up to 5 devices and you will be sent itunes receipts via email for each app purchase.
9) If you give your kids access to your itunes password, be sure you have only loaded the account with itunes gift cards and not stored your credit/debit card number.
10) Consider having a family computer docking station where each device is synched up with each other on a regular basis. This helps you keep track of which apps have been purchased.

On a recent evening one of my boys came into the kitchen while I was making lasagna for dinner and started talking about a problem he had had at school the day before. Apparently, he had left the mechanical pencil that his father had given him when school started on his desk when he went to the restroom. Upon his return the pencil was no longer on his desk but rather in the hands on the student sitting next to him. When I asked what my child had done in response, he explained that he had demanded the pencil’s return, but that then the school day was over and the offending student left the room with my child’s favorite writing utensil in hand.

Knowing just how much that pencil meant to my son, I became annoyed with the other child. I stopped making lasagna, washed my hands, and sat down next to him. “Did you talk to him today? What did he say? . . . Maybe you should try to be non-confrontational, just imply that maybe the student had accidentally taken your pencil and see what happens. . . Or maybe just let him have it. We can buy another one.” On and on I droned. I am embarrassed to admit that I was so busy trying to figure out the best steps to take to solve the problem that I barely let him get a word in edgewise.

Finally, at one point he had had enough. He raised his voice, cutting me off: “Mom, please! I took care of it already. Problem solved.” Sheepishly I stopped, took a breath and looked at him surprised. He continued: “That was a present from Dad. I wasn’t gonna let him have it. I saw the pencil in his binder this morning and asked for it once more. When he said no I reach over, pulled the pencil out of the binder myself and walked away. And that was that.”

Although this incident happened several weeks ago, I still have mixed feelings about it. I am not certain if I should be proud that my child didn’t let himself be bullied, that he didn’t go tattle but rather took care of the problem himself, or if instead I should be concerned that maybe he will someday turn into a bully himself. I just don’t know. But, what I DO know is that I learned a valuable lesson that day. My child didn’t come into the kitchen to ask me to solve his problem. No, he respected my opinion and trusted me enough to share the fact that he had had a problem at school, but that he had solved it already and wanted to let me know how. And that, no doubt in my mind, would surely have made my momma proud.

How to Choose between making Gingered Pumpkin Soup and Recruiting Volunteers for the Goldfish Toss

The death of the magazine industry has been touted for several years now. I’ve always been a lover of magazines though and thanks to the decline of print magazine revenues and attempts of companies to increase circulation, I have recently gotten some amazing deals on magazine subscriptions.

Consequently, my mailbox is filled with suggestions for adorable Halloween decoration (Garland of candy corn? What a great idea!), delicious fall soup recipes (Gingered Pumpkin Soup with Gruyere Cheese), and new yoga poses that would surely relieve all my stress if my body would only bend in the amazing positions pictured. But the fun doesn’t stop there- I have an assurance of flat abs with five simple exercise moves per day, a disturbing list of 50 secrets pilots won’t tell me, and a story that discount airline Ryanair is seeking permission to offer “standing room only” flights.

Although removing these magazines from my mailbox at the end of a work day fills me with a special joy, they are quickly laid aside as the needs of my four kids rise to the surface.

On a recent weekend morning I woke up early- ie. before the kids. Steaming cup of coffee in hand I stood in my kitchen thinking about how I should spend those precious few moments of peace. A huge pile of magazines on the entryway table beckoned me. Then the upcoming school carnival came to mind and how I had agreed to recruit and coordinate community volunteers; there was a lot of work yet to do. For a moment I was annoyed. I work a full-time job. Why did I step up to do anything besides maybe bake a cake for the cake walk? But then I remember- we do not live in a world with PTAs populated by stay-at-home Moms. Instead, our PTA ledger is filled with women who work full-time jobs, just like me. And many of the women who people probably assume are stay at home moms, actually work one or more part-time jobs doing childcare, coordinating Sunday School teachers, catering, teaching music lessons etc.. I have to admit that sometimes I am thankful for my quiet and orderly office at work when I hear how about my friends’ juggling of kids, meals, sporting games and activities on weekends and evenings to work these various, often underpaid, part-time jobs.

Still standing unproductively in my kitchen I hear a shower turn on from the direction of my 12-year-old twins’ room. It seems like just yesterday when the older boys were little and I took them to their first Mohawk Carnival. Now, my main role for them is taxi driver and bleacher fan. To their extreme embarrassment I chaperoned one dance at their junior high this fall, but the ability to be actively involved in their school lives differs greatly from the opportunities I have at the lower levels with their siblings. So I figure, my house might not always be in perfect order, and I fail miserably at putting laundry away, but it won’t be long before the two little kids are older and the stress of recruiting volunteers for the goldfish toss is a distant memory.

So, how did I end up spending those few moments of peace? I pulled my favorite magazine, Real Simple, from the stack, gathered the remaining magazines into a paper sack and walked it down to my neighbor’s house before I could change my mind. Her Mom is having surgery the weekend of the carnival and since she won’t be able to work a shift in the goldfish toss booth, I figure she can read the magazines guilt-free. Who knows? Maybe when she recovers she’ll make me some Gingered Pumpkin Soup. . .

How the Movie "Catfish" messed with My Mind

This past weekend I saw the very disturbing movie “Catfish.” The main premise of the film is that the internet, specifically Facebook, has the power to convince us of a particular reality, when in fact the ideas and images exchanged, despite their ability to evoke strong emotions in us as humans, may in fact be complete fabrications of the truth. Does the presentation of a fictitious virtual world as true make the author a liar? This question has left me feeling not just perplexed, but also intrigued.

Since watching the movie I’ve been thinking about Facebook in general and how we present ourselves in the virtual world. It’s not that I think most people are using Facebook to purport to be someone they are not, but it has also made me wonder if most people consciously consider how accurately they present themselves virtually and to whom they grant access to this wealth of information.

Are you curious? Take a minute and google a name (including maiden name if applicable) surrounded by quotes then + Facebook and possibly a city. The search results indicate what everyone with internet access can see. If you have someone’s Facebook log in information you can go directly to the Basic Directory Information section of the Privacy Settings and preview the profile as others (anyone in the world) see it. If you are surprised by what you see, you might wish to take some time to review privacy settings not only for your own Facebook account, but those you care about as well- including grandparents, children and teens.

Early this summer, Facebook began phasing in new privacy setting options in order to allow Facebook users to significantly curtail information shared on their site. This is good news- but only for those who actively seek out and make changes to their accounts.Where should you start? First, go to:

http://www.facebook.com/privacy/

and review the settings. Default settings are set to allow everyone on Facebook access to everything posted- birthdates, lists of relatives, photos of friends, all pictures, contact information, even photos posted by others in which you are tagged etc. Therefore, if you have not explicitly gone to the privacy settings and made changes, the default settings prevail.

However, basic privacy settings, although a good place to start, give you only limited control over who has access to information on Facebook. Do all of your “friends” really need equal access to all information, photos etc. you post? Probably not. Maybe it’s just me, but I find it slightly disconcerting to walk into work Monday morning and have colleagues comment on photos I posted on Facebook of my kids’ weekend sporting events. Instead of being forced to “de-friend” people, simply spend some time organizing your friends into lists of groups such as “High School Friends,” “Work Friends” and “Family” and then grant access accordingly. At the same time, if you have teenagers at home you should be aware that even though your kids may have granted you “friend” status, you may have been categorized as I have described and therefore not have access to all of the information and photos about and of them posted on Facebook.

Concussions in Elementary Aged Children

This fall two of my sons joined the ranks of sixty five 7th grade boys out for football at their junior high school. A few weeks into the season a friend asked me whether the boys owned their own football helmets or if they were using school-issued ones. As a mom who would rather my child walk than be double-buckled in carpool, I was appalled that it had never occurred to me that purchasing helmets for them might be a good idea. When I asked my children if other boys owned their own helmets, they said that several did. Are helmets sold at sporting goods stores better than standard issue at their junior high? I’m not really sure, but as parent I try to protect my kids as best as I can, so the boys are now playing in airbag-like shock absorbing helmets.

The National Athletic Trainers Association indicates that between 43,000 and 67,000 concussions are reported each year for high school football players. These numbers are suspected to be much higher due to the fact that many concussions go unreported. Contrary to formerly commonly held beliefs, concussions are not limited to high school boys’ football. Although the concussion rate is higher among high-school athletes, researchers indicate that the rate for younger athletes- both girls and boys- continues to rise significantly. In fact, recent studies have confirmed that female athletes have a higher rate of concussions than boys who play similar sports.

Football and ice hockey have traditionally been considered the two organized sports with the most concussion injuries. However, according to research by Nationwide Children’s Hospital in Columbus, Ohio, girls’ basketball now follows football as the sport with the highest rate of brain injuries. Although in 2007 Texas was the first state to pass a bill which requires every UIL school employee involved in athletics to take an annual safety training program including head injury treatment information (“Will’s Bill”), Texas’ University Interscholastic League has been criticized by concussion experts for not having strict enough rules to protect student athletes. Currently, UIL rules permit athletes to return to play on the same day if consciousness is not lost and if concussion symptoms are resolved within 15 minutes. Although many school districts in the area have adopted additional measures to protect and support student athletes, consistency varies greatly throughout the state, most often as a result of funding issues.

Nationwide standards would force school districts to adopt minimum criteria for the identification and care of students suspected of suffering from concussions. This past Thursday the House Committee on Energy and Commerce prepared the final version of the Concussion Treatment and Care Tools Act (H.R. 1347) for a vote on the House floor. Just down the hall, the House Education and Labor Committee held its’ second hearing on the newer Protecting Student Athletes from Concussions Act (H.R. 6172), which would require public schools districts to have concussion management plans that educate stakeholders about appropriate recognition and response to concussions. In addition, the bill mandates the removal from play of any athlete suspected of concussion until cleared by an appropriate health-care professional, and requires special scholastic services for athletes recovering from head injuries.

Although at the elementary level our children are too young to be playing the public school sponsored sports which will be directly affected if the proposed bills are adopted, many of our children have, for many years already, been playing youth sports ran by various local agencies. Considering the ever increasing numbers of younger children in sports and the seemingly correlating increase in numbers of young athletes being treated in emergency rooms for concussions, it seems that the time has come for even parents of young children to arm themselves with information on the prevention, identification and treatment of concussions.

Youth Sports and the Parents we Hate

Autumn in Texas brings not only the promise of crisp cool mornings, but the chance to wear sweaters and sit in sideline bleachers watching our children and their friends play youth sports.

Sadly, often games are ruined by spectator parents who, for whatever reason- frustration in their own lives, a longing to live out their own unfulfilled sports dreams through their children, come to the games seemingly not to support their children, but rather to pace the sidelines screaming at them, the coaches, or the referees. Fred Engh, head of the National Alliance for Youth Sports, refers to this behavior as “sideline rage.”

Incidents involving sideline rage often appear in headline news. You may recall the youth baseball coach a few years back who, following his 8-year-old team’s loss of 1st place in the finals, physically attacked the opposing coach in clear view of all the spectators and children. Watching the video, one can hear the 8-year-old boys screaming in the background (click link to view video).

http://www.nola.com/crime/index.ssf/2009/08/brawling_slidell_coach_is_foun.html


You might tell yourself that such violent incidents are rare, but Engh explains: ``It used to be maybe 5 percent of the people stepped over the line. It's grown now to about 15 percent.''

And, let’s not fool ourselves, this violent behavior is certainly not confined to other neighborhoods and parents. I recently received an email from my son’s soccer team. In it, the parents were informed that the child of any parent ejected from a game would not be permitted to play the following week until the parent had paid for, and participated in, an interactive online sports parenting course where they would learn how to best talk with their children on game day, develop a productive parent–coach relationship, and become effective and positive supporters in the stands.

This may sound extreme but, in fact, many sports programs around the country are requiring parents to attend such courses as a prerequisite to enrolling their child in the youth sport. Others programs are having parents sign pledges that they will not only support their children and coaches in a positive manner, but that they will also not cause problems on the sidelines. Even celebrities are getting involved. Hollywood actor Ray Winstone stars in a short, humrous online film that aims to improve parental behavior on the sidelines (click link to view).

http://www.thefa.com/respect

Chances are good, you are not the type of parent Winstone is targeting. Regardless, all parents could probably use a few reminders on how they might best support youth athletics. Here are a few suggestions:
1)Tell your child before the game that you are proud of him or her, regardless of whether the team loses or wins.
2)Fill your child's "emotional tank” with truthful and specific praise.
3)Refrain from coaching from the sidelines; let the coach correct player mistakes.
4)Cheer good plays by both teams.
5)Say nothing if an official makes a "bad" call against your team.
6)After the game, be sure to thank the officials and coaches.
7)After the game ask your child what he or she thought about the game and then LISTEN.
8)Whether your child’s team won or lost, reinforce again to your child that you are proud of him or her.

In a 3,000 participant survey conducted by Sports Illustrated for Kids , 74% of children responded that they had seen out-of-control adults at their youth sport games. As parents we spend much of our lives trying to ensure that our kids have the best possible childhood experience. Just imagine how much more pleasant youth sporting events could be for our children if they could claim that they never see out-of-control adults at their games.

So, grab a cup of steaming hot coffee this Saturday morning and join me in cheering on our kids running bases, scoring goals, bumping volleyballs and chasing flags with the sheer energy and joy only kids can exhibit.